Amy Vergnés x

Just text (that's TEXT - not call) with details of when you'd like to book and for how long, and give me at least an hours' notice, please! Provided your text is polite and specific, I'll get back to you as soon as I can unless you ask me not to. All bookings for the same day (or early the following morning) need to be arranged by 6pm at the latest - if I don't have any more to do by then I'll be packing up. You can book up to a week in advance if I've seen you previously or two days maximum if not; better still just text on the day, since you'll need to do that anyway. Please don't send me messages/emails via the site - I don't work this way and these will be deleted unread. Likewise, booking forms sent without any prior contact or details being agreed will not be accepted. You're not ordering a pizza.

When your booking is arranged, I'll send you a text with my street and postcode and brief instructions for getting here. This text contains the words 'please be punctual'. Punctual means 'on time'; that is, in the room and ready to start at the time you booked. It does not mean 'please turn up fifteen minutes early', and from now on anybody doing this will have their booking cancelled. Obviously this only applies to those who cannot fight the urge to text 'to let me know they're here', instead of waiting until a few minutes before and then calling for final directions as requested. So you can actually arrive at whatever time you like, but I don't need to know anything about it until there's five minutes or less to go (and no, I can't believe I have to tell grown men this either). I will always respect your time. Please respect mine.

My phone is on Tuesdays to Fridays between 9am and 9pm (give or take) but I only take bookings by text, and my call blocker/autoreply is permanently on. If you do get through it's likely to be because I'm expecting somebody calling for directions as they arrive, so any conversation is going to be brief, to say the least. I'll respond to all polite, specific text enquiries and if my number is not displayed, I'm neither available nor checking messages (which probably means it's the weekend). Withheld/landline numbers are automatically blocked. Since I don't work short notice or late nights, I find that this works out best for all concerned. Those who try to ring over and over again because they can't or won't read the profile are not people I'm too interested in being alone in a room with anyway, so problem solved!

No. What you do and with whom is no concern of mine and you won't find any ill-informed, sanctimonious lectures here, but I value my health too much to offer unprotected services or take unnecessary risks, and I've never had so much as a cold sore, for the record. I don't offer reverse oral either, but that's because I don't like it. Thus, you will leave my delightful company just as you arrived. Only with less money.

Yes! That sounds lovely.

Hahahahaha. No.

Please go away. And if you think your genitals are that different to everybody else's, I'm surprised you don't want to keep that fact to yourself. Unless you just like showing them off, like a baboon. * seriously - WHY cock pics? Is it THAT likely that a prostitute of over twenty years hasn't seen one before? *